Hey Everyone! Happy Tuesday! Today’s post is written with extremely high spirits because TODAY it hit me hard that I am Cancer Free. Not only am I Cancer free, but last Monday, May 10th 2021 I found out that my post cancer scans are clear! I guess it took me a week to finally believe it. I was in my car belting out Morgan Wallen’s “Bandaid on a Bullethole” and my voice cracked then I was just overwhelmed with emotions based on how I survived so much this year.
It is such a relief to be able to say that after such a long year of fighting for my life. Geez, that’s so crazy to put it like that in words, but that’s every bit of what it was.
I have heard all kinds of things on this journey but I’ll tell you, no one can prepare you for the fight that you will endure. The main thing that stuck out to me was that people kept telling me “Oh, you’re so strong” or “You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met”. Which is crazy, because I’ve always been mentally weak. I know this because I have inspirations such as my husband and beautiful sister who amaze me at their mental toughness.
But I say that to say, when you are fighting the fight of your life, you are merely surviving. You do what you gotta do to make it day by day. That’s it. You keep pushing and lean on God for your strength. So the strength that you see is of God.
Because what you don’t see is the breakdowns knowing that for God knows how long, you will have to continue to fight for your life. The hard look in the mirror at your freshly bald head. The chemo. God, the chemo is Satan’s handiwork. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. It’s feeling hungry but nauseous. It’s your mouth creating this weird saliva texture that only allows you to taste Gatorade and spicy things. But don’t get me wrong, even those things will taste absolutely terrible. For atleast a week for me. It’s being so tired of fighting that you want to give up but that isn’t even an option. The realization that this is your new life. Fear of scans for the remainder of your life at age 23. But see, that’s where God intervenes. He humbles you with peace and insight. I know of people who didn’t make it to year 23 fighting the same fight. So I am thankful and blessed to be where I am today, all thanks to Christ.
The day I found out my MRI results I immediately prayed. I knew something wasn’t right. I often have a gut feeling and it never fails me. It’s the weirdest thing. But I just knew something wasn’t right. They said I had a spot on my left humerus. I knew that was a bone in my arm but I had no idea what would be coming. I read “Underlying malignancy/aggressive lesion not excluded”. When I read those words I broke down. Have you ever felt SO hopeless that you just pick up your bible, land on a page, and just let it speak to you?
That day I opened my bible and landed on Psalm 5:7. I read from page to page looking for something that spoke to me. I came across Psalm 6:2 which reads:
“Have mercy on me, O Lord, For I am weak; O Lord, Heal me for my bones are troubled”
Now I know this is meant in a larger sense, but it spoke volumes to me when I was worried about my actual bones. That day I folded my MRI results into fourths and left it there in my bible, where it will most likely stay. I want to say that something in me knew that day that things weren’t right. I felt that that was a message from God that, yes, my bones were troubled but he will prevail and carry me through.
Prayers played a huge part in getting me through this past year. I have FELT all of the prayers. Thank you to all that have prayed for and supported me during this time.💓
Will continue to pray for you
Very beautiful,love you, will continue to pray for you.💞💗